Traveling today but still managing a my ghost movie post. Technology makes this possible. Technology is rad.
Apartment 143 – Spain, 2011. Dir. Carles Torrens, Screenplay Rodrigo Cortes. Starring Kai Lennox, Gia Mantegna, Michael O’Keefe.
Sometimes, a movie is incredibly, surprisingly good that you just don’t know what to do with. Even as the credits roll, you’re stuck glued to your seat with a permagrin smeared across your face, dying to just share your joy with everyone you’ve known ever. Convinced they will love it as much as you do.
Apartment 143 is not one of those movies. Cabin in the Woods, for me, is one of those movies. But Apartment 143? Not so much.
Okay, so I maybe just wrote all of that so I could link you back to Cabin in the Woods again. Whatever. I love Cabin in the Woods.
But fine, I’ll get to Apartment 143 now. Apartment 143, otherwise known as Emergo. Emergo is the original title of this one, which I guess is Spanish? Or is it Mexican? I’m actually a little confused as to where Apartment 143 is from. I know it was shot in Spain. Maybe it was just released in Mexico or something. Man, I don’t know.
It’s in English in any case so don’t worry if you don’t like subtitles. You can understand every single word they say.
Which is hilarious.
Because good lord this movie is terrible. I mean, seriously, unbelievably terrible. Like, the opposite of the Cabin in the Woods love.
The acting. Oh my goodness the acting. And then the writing. And then… well, you don’t need to go any further. That’s enough awfulness right there. I’m not sure the actors were even trying in some of these scenes.
The scenes between the father, Alan, and Dr. Helzer are just the worst. THE WORST. They’re either stilted or over done or sound like they are literally reading their lines off of the script as they go. It’s really that bad.
The little kid is actually about the best in the bunch but he’s like four. So I’m not sure that says much.
Apartment 143 is a pretty familiar premise, especially at this point in the ghost movie watching. A family is plagued by a violent haunting calls in a team of parapsychologists to help them. We have the family, Alan and his two kids Caitlin and Benny. Alan believes they’re being haunted by the ghost of his wife who was sick before she died in a horrific car crash. Benny talks to “mom” while Caitlin and Alan fight constantly. Mostly because she’s a hormonal, crazy teenager I think.
When Dr. Helzer arrives with his team – Paul the video guy and Ellen the… secretary? I don’t know what she was actually. But she took a lot of notes and made theories and stuff. And then Paul tried to make out with her and it was really uncomfortable and awkward. Okay, but anyway, they arrive and set up cameras everywhere in a very Big Brother sort of way. Then they start documenting anything because they are Scientists. They must be Scientific.
The haunting stuff happens pretty much immediately and we just spend the next hour watching them all be awkward, yell at each other, and take notes. There’s some kind of cool stuff happens but mostly I was so entranced by the terrible writing and acting that I wasn’t paying much attention to the rest of it.
So you guys are going to maybe think I’m kind of weird for saying this, but I think this movie may have been so incredibly bad that I actually do kind of like it. Ah, I mean, there’s really nothing good here to recommend. But sometimes I love the bad movies. I can’t help it.
They were just trying so damn hard!
This movie is ridiculous.
I do have to give director Carles Torrens some credit though. For the most part he actually did seem to be paying attention to how this movie was shot, even if he wasn’t paying attention to the acting. There’s some interesting camera work, the practical effects are really good, and there wasn’t nearly as much annoying shakiness as there usually is in these found footage movies. So I didn’t really hate all of that.
That’s about all of the good I have to say though.
There were a couple of bizarre movie things that I kind of loved for their terribleness. Like the scene after they bring in the psychic. So they bring in this psychic guy and he starts trying to channel the spirits or whatever it he’s doing. That predictably sets off a chain of terror that goes on for the next few minutes. People get possessed, Alan gets thrown through a door, everyone is yelling and there’s general panic and everything is terrible! And then!
The scene is over and we cut immediately to everyone sitting around the breakfast table calmly eating.
It was the weirdest transition between scenes ever. And it made me laugh?
Then there was the weird sonic machine that was for some unknown reason pixelated out of the picture. It was really weird. Maybe because it was sonic the cameras couldn’t video it? It didn’t really make any sense. But the scene was very Legend of Hell House, I enjoyed that part.
It was also hilarious how Dr. Helzer kept feeling the need to proclaim that they are “Scientists” and must be “Scientific.” And then he was so smug in the end! Like he knew what was going on the whole time! Yeah right, He knew nothing.
You know nothing, Jon Snow.
I am maybe way too amused by this movie right now. I need to stop.
I think this one is about the worst of what I’ve watched so far this month but honestly I enjoyed it much more than things like The St. Francisville Experiment or The House on Haunted Hill remake. Hell, I kind of had more fun with this one than I did with Paranormal Activity. At least I didn’t want to punch anyone once Emergo was over.
Speaking of Emergo. That was the original title? Seriously? Cause that was totally what they called the plastic skeleton gimmick they did in the theaters for the original House on Haunted Hill. Please tell me this isn’t just a coincidence. I want this to be on purpose. I want this to be on purpose so bad.
Please tell me I’m done with the Found Footage now. Please?
Oh wait, crap. I still have Paranormal Activity 4 coming up. Damn it. There’s still that…