Why is that when I’m told a movie is bad, that I really shouldn’t watch it, it’s probably the worst thing ever, I immediately run out and add it to my Netflix queue? Or find it on Hulu? Or Youtube? Or wherever. Seriously. How many good movies are there? What is my obsession with seeing the bad ones?

And then, once I’ve seen a bad movie, why on earth would I go and watch it again?

Such is the case with Troll. And Troll 2.

Now to be fair, Troll 2 I only saw (somehow, I don’t know how) as a kid and I never actually watched the entire movie. I remember parts of it, like one bit where one of the guys runs through the woods and is surrounded by the goblins (Troll 2 doesn’t actually feature any trolls. I don’t know?). He tries to act tough and what happens? The goblins stab him with a spear. Then there was a chick who was spewing green stuff and the guy gets turned into a tree and I don’t know what happens.

I watched it again and I still don’t know what happens. The goblins are vegetarians so they have to turn people into plants before they can eat them. This movie is really weird. And terrible. It is straight up terrible.

But it’s called Troll 2 and it’s about Goblins. What does that have to do with Troll, the movie that is actually about a troll? Absolutely nothing. Troll 2, I’m pretty sure, was called Troll 2 to capitalize on the Troll name recognition. Or something like that.

It’s all really very silly.

Troll at least tries to be a real sort of scary movie for kids. At least, I hope that it was made for kids. I hope this wasn’t intended to scare adults. Troll strikes me as a horror movie more along the lines of something like Poltergeist or Gremlins: there are scary elements but it’s more fantasy than horror film.

Troll, while incredibly silly, was actually pretty entertaining. The characters in the apartment building where it’s set (Julia Louis-Dreyfus AND Sonny Bono?! WHAT??) are so very, very cliche 80’s it’s kind of wonderful. The set design in each apartment is unique for the character living there, uniquely terrible at least… I think the grossest part of this movie are the couches in the Potter’s apartment.

By the way, in case you haven’t seen this or have forgotten, the protagonist’s name is Harry Potter, Jr. His dad is Harry Potter. It’s wonderful.

The puppets and character design are actually pretty good. Think along the lines of Labyrinth quality. Actually, the troll reminded me a lot of Hoggle from Labyrinth. Maybe they were brothers? It was interesting, if the troll wasn’t meant to be a bad guy, he very easily could have been something cuddly.

This is why this movie isn’t scary.

RRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT BURGER!!!!

Troll, Troll 2 – not scary, have nothing to do with each other, and Troll 2 is easily one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. Scariest part about it really is how bad it is. So what do you think? Gonna go watch them? They’re both available on Netflix…